Crazy Patents - Inventions That Never Made It

The patent office is bursting with documents depicting bizarre contraptions that were devised by mad professors and bedroom boffins - but the vast majority of them never even get to prototype stage, let alone reach the mass market - and for good reason.

Inventors are so worried that someone else may copy their creation and then reap the rewards that they will pretty much patent anything, for fear of losing out on potential millions; as a result, there are some very odd inventions that get patented.

Take the 'Burp Gas Filtering and Deodorising Device'; an pen sized invention through which the user burps, and the burp gas then gets de-odorised via a charcoal filter, eliminating any awkward moments at the dinner table. Needless to say - the inventor of this device is still waiting to get a manufacturing deal.

Or how about the 'Hijacker Injector' invention designed to combat the modern terrorist threat? The concept is that every passenger seat on a plane would be fitted with 'passenger disabling apparatus' that is mounted in and under the seat. The disabling apparatus is comprised of a seat belt buckle lock (which would hold the suspected hijacker in place - as long as they are wearing their seat belt) and hypodermic needle injection apparatus that would 'instantly sedate or kill the passenger'. This would be operated remotely by the pilot or a crew member. Though we are seeing aeroplane seats get more advanced with the addition of TV-on-demand, interactive

aming systems and built-in phones, we're yet to see the lethal injection add-on as standard - and let's hope it stays that way.

If you have a problem with excess bird droppings, then perhaps the 'Sanitary Appliance for Birds', could be the answer. Patented in 1959 this avian nappy is attached to a bird via a leather thong, which would presumably be emptied on a regular basis and then replaced. The target market for this product was never made clear; a pet budgerigar? Or maybe a battery hen or wild pigeon? The fact that bird droppings are still raining from the skies suggests this item never went into production.

Entrepreneurialism and inventiveness are encouraged by most governments around the world - after all, successful ideas lead to the creation of jobs, wealth and prestige, and this means that for the foreseeable future at least, creative minds throughout the UK, (from bedrooms in Birmingham, to serviced offices in London and desks in Durham) will be alive with the sound of inventors brainstorming ideas for the next big thing.

Andrew Regan is an online, freelance author from Scotland. He is a keen rugby player and enjoys travelling.